I’ve been thinking a bit about communication lately. I mostly communicate in writing – I’m not a fan of talking on the phone and with the timezones the way that they are I don’t even use Skype all that much. I always feel like I’m interrupting peoples lives when calls are involved. Mum tells me they can always choose not to answer. I find myself writing letters in my head – always in cursive even though more of my writing is done by email than letter. I like writing letters though sometimes find myself feeling forced to write when thank you letters are involved. I’ve been trying to be better at communicating with friends and family – responding as soon as possible rather than procrastinating so long that they think I’ve forgotten all about them. Sometimes this still takes a couple of weeks.
The thing is communication is a two way thing and I currently find myself reaching out to find no one there. Emails I wrote almost a month ago have gone unacknowledged. Birthday and Christmas presents and cards from last year never heard a response. I’m wondering now at what point does one stop reaching out. The fact is that my birthday last year sucked. My husband forgot my birthday completely (though did redeem himself the next day). My Mum and Dad did call but their parcel was a week late. I received three other cards – one a week or so early and two a day late. My brother, sister and brother-in-law wrote Happy Birthday on my wall on facebook ut didn’t even acknowledge my response. And yet with all that I still felt obliged to handmake all my Christmas cards and presents and insure they’d arrive in with time to spare. Am I being selfish in wanting acknowledgement that people remember I exist? Is it time to give up on sending parcels to those to don’t even acknowledge there arrival? Am I being old fashioned?
I’m a bit of a perfectionist and try very hard to be what people want. To fit in social norms and cause no controversy. Now I feel like this is all a bit of a waste and that I should stop feeling so squashed into other peoples boxes.


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